Peri+SPECTIVE

You see what you're looking for

My friend John Lace is an avid hunter and fly fisherman. I remember driving through the countryside with him years ago and hearing: “Look, there’s a pheasant. Look, there’s a bunny. Look, I bet that’s a great stream for trout.” John was able to find what he wanted to find because he had trained himself to see what he wanted to see.

If you are looking for the bad in a situation, a relationship, a job or a day, you are likely to see it. If you are looking for the good, you are likely to see that, too. Most people do.

Train your children to look for the blessings in every day. The persistent practice and pursuit of positive perspective is a marvelous gift you can give to your children, yourself and the great-grandchildren you will never meet. The power of a positive outlook will ripple out like a stone thrown into a pond to bless distant shores.

Starting a nightly check-in by sharing a positive - a "high" - reframes the entire day in a healthy and balanced way. Intentionally and consistently sharing the good first changes outlooks (how you see the world), “in-looks” (how you see yourself) and perspectives.

The word “perspective” (peri+spect) literally means to “look around.” So look around. Maybe today wasn’t all bad. Look around. Maybe there was some good after all. Look around. If nothing else, you are still alive and, for some odd reason, these people love you.

Look around.

Starting the night out on a high sets the stage for an overall positive experience. Sharing highs creates a feeling of wellbeing — even regarding what might have seemed to your children to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Sharing highs validates both the person and the high: “Yeah, that was pretty neat!” It models healthy communication, engenders caring, fosters acceptance and teaches appreciation.

Sharing the positive triggers even more positive. Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of the world’s leading researchers on happiness, believes that if you want to develop lifelong satisfaction, you need to engage regularly in positive thinking about yourself, share your happiest events with others, and savor every positive experience in your life.

Here's Sonja on Happiness.