The Psychology of Sharing Lows

If you only know your child’s highs, you don’t know them. If you only know their lows, you don’t know them. And if they don’t know their highs and lows, they don’t know themselves either. Simply asking a child, “How was your day?” is rarely enough to solicit more than a vague one-syllable, “Fine.” What do you learn when they say, “Fine?” Not a lot. As positive, potent and powerful as it is to start your nightly home huddle with a high, it may be even more important to build the time, place and sacred space into your family ritual where children feel safe enough to share their lows and work them out.

What is a sacred space? It is an attitude as much as a place: a moment set aside to invite God into the heart of the matter, and the matters of the heart.

Sharing lows gives you a better understanding of yourself and others. Growing up with a forum, format and life-long experience in verbalizing one’s lows aloud within the context of a safe, loving, non-judgmental home every night gives a child a huge advantage when it comes to building capacity for mental health, emotional resilience and spiritual maturity.

Attention Intention: The Neurology of Sharing Highs

The act of active listening is an acknowledgement that the other person is there and a silent statement that he or she matters to you. The gift of one’s complete attention affirms the other person and confirms the value of the relationship.It validates both the giver and receiver and tells the receiver that he or she is worth being heard. Giving the gift of attention is a wonderful way of showing love—sharing love. It creates confidence (con+fidea means “with faith”) and trust between the sharer and the sharee. One might say it creates “share ease” between the sharees.

Neurologically, sharing a high triggers a cascade of positive and powerful neurochemical transmitters that bolster immune systems, regulate hormonal systems, improve one’s digestive tract, slows down the aging process, and triggers positive electro-chemical exchanges throughout the brain and the body

As you recall and relive your highs, a subconscious smile spreads across your face. Your heart may begin to race. Joy and laughter bubble up from inside as an electrical message flows from your brain at 100 yards per second. The memory message speeds down your neurons to the ends of each wire-like cell, where little bags of chemicals are waiting to be released. There, the electrical message changes to a chemical message and jumps across the space between the neurons (synapses) to bond to proteins on the other side. The electrical message changes to a chemical message, and then back into an electrical message. In an instant, all through your body flashes an electrical/chemical charge that shouts out to every cell, “I feel good!”

 What does all this mean? Free drugs! If you teach your children how to dispense the natural highs our Creator built right into their bodies, maybe they won’t need to grab the pills, the bottle, or the needle one day when they are feeling down.

(From the FIVE STAR FAITH5 book, Holding Your Family Together)

The Sociology of Sharing Highs

A woman once told me in counseling, “I don’t like any of my loved ones.”

I’m guessing there wasn’t a lot of joy shared between them. Sociologically, sharing joy, laughter and the positive events of the day creates new bonds and strengthens old ones.

Sharing highs enhances both energy and synergy between you and your mates. It helps shed light on the experienced joys of others, turning mates and inmates into intimates. It gives insight as it gives outsight into what other people’s highs are. It deepens understanding about what is important to them. It multiplies affirmation as it builds depth into the relationship.

Multiplying Joy

Some say joy doubles when you share it. I say joy multiplies by the number of people whom you invite in on the sharing.

Have you ever gone to a comedy movie alone? Everyone may have praised the film as hilarious, but you watched it alone and, as the credits rolled, you didn’t consider it all that funny. However, if you had been with friends, the movie may have been a totally different experience. You would have chuckled and laughed more, ribbed each other and leaned into each other’s joy. You might have enjoyed the film twice as much (or more) if only you had shared it with people you already enjoyed.

Peri+Spective

Peri+SPECTIVE

You see what you're looking for

My friend John Lace is an avid hunter and fly fisherman. I remember driving through the countryside with him years ago and hearing: “Look, there’s a pheasant. Look, there’s a bunny. Look, I bet that’s a great stream for trout.” John was able to find what he wanted to find because he had trained himself to see what he wanted to see.

If you are looking for the bad in a situation, a relationship, a job or a day, you are likely to see it. If you are looking for the good, you are likely to see that, too. Most people do.

Train your children to look for the blessings in every day. The persistent practice and pursuit of positive perspective is a marvelous gift you can give to your children, yourself and the great-grandchildren you will never meet. The power of a positive outlook will ripple out like a stone thrown into a pond to bless distant shores.

Starting a nightly check-in by sharing a positive - a "high" - reframes the entire day in a healthy and balanced way. Intentionally and consistently sharing the good first changes outlooks (how you see the world), “in-looks” (how you see yourself) and perspectives.

The word “perspective” (peri+spect) literally means to “look around.” So look around. Maybe today wasn’t all bad. Look around. Maybe there was some good after all. Look around. If nothing else, you are still alive and, for some odd reason, these people love you.

Look around.

The Psychology of Sharing Highs

Starting the night out on a high sets the stage for an overall positive experience. Sharing highs creates a feeling of wellbeing — even regarding what might have seemed to your children to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Sharing highs validates both the person and the high: “Yeah, that was pretty neat!” It models healthy communication, engenders caring, fosters acceptance and teaches appreciation.

Sharing the positive triggers even more positive. Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of the world’s leading researchers on happiness, believes that if you want to develop lifelong satisfaction, you need to engage regularly in positive thinking about yourself, share your happiest events with others, and savor every positive experience in your life.

Here's Sonja on Happiness. 

Sharing "Highs" and Learning to See the Positive

How can you get children into the practice of looking for the good in each day? I'd suggest starting with highs and lows... in that order. Always begin your nightly check-in with a positive memory. Sharing a high with another person is a great way to open a conversation that can lead to deeper communication. It also opens hearts, attitudes and doors.

 Mr. Capote’s Advice

When I was a college student, I volunteered to help run a writers’ conference where the Pulitzer Prize-winning author Truman Capote was keynoting. Following the event, the president of the university invited students and faculty who ran with the conference to a reception at his mansion. Excited to meet the strange little man, I cornered Capote in the den by the baby grand piano and asked a question: “Mr. Capote, how do you become a writer?” I’ll never forget his answer: “You write.”

I thought his response was brilliant. I had to run out right away and get a pen to write it down.

One learns to dance by dancing. One learns to paint by painting. One learns to shoot skeet by shooting skeet. One learns to share feelings by sharing feelings. One learns to listen by listening. If you want to raise children into a resilient adults who can find some good in any situation and know how to handle anything life can throw at them, I suggest you start by raising children who practice talking through their highs and lows every night... starting with sharing their highs.

What was something good today? Something that made you smile? Something that brought you joy?

St. Paul wrote: "Whatever is good, honorable, just, pure, pleasing, excellent, worthy of praise... think on these things." And later in the chapter "...and the God of peace will be with you."

You will see what you train your eyes to see.

And parents, you will see what you seed.

Start tonight.

(From the FAITH5 training book "Holding Your Family Together")

Poised on the Border between Chaos and Disorder

Neurologically, the best way to be creative is to simply put yourself in a different place with a different set of tools and a different assignment.

Improv comedy sets people in imaginary situations with a partner and gives them a couple of odd, non-related props and asks them to do something with them.

Stuart Kauffman, the biologist who's work informs everything from cell theory to the theory of creativity, calls it "the adjacent possible."

What Are We Trying to Accomplish with RICH Learning in South Carolina this Summer?

Three weeks from tonight we have our children's summer arts show at the Carolina Theater in Allendale, SC. Come and see 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 and 7 year-olds show you what can happen when you enrich brains and hearts through the arts. (And if you're looking for something marvelous to do in the summer of 2019.....) Mid Term Evaluations took place this week at the RICH Learning Summer Arts Camp. Having a blast. Everything we learn is first taught in a song, then a dance (with ASL infused), then art. And once you have music, dance, and art - you have theater!

This is some of what we're learning in seven weeks of song, dance, art and theater - and some of the 300 data points we're imbedding in the arts, then collecting and measuring on video:

What it means to be…

       Adventurous

       Brave

       Confident

       Devoted

       Encouraging

Spells First Name

Spell Last Name

Count to 10

Say ABCs

Find Letters (on table) A. B. C. D. E. F.

Find Numbers (on tale) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 

Find Colors (colored feathers) Red.  Yellow.   Blue.   Green. Violet/Purple.  Orange.

Find Geometric Shapes (on table) Dot.   Line.   Triangle.   Square. Pentegon. Hexagon.

Find Animal (cut out paper dolls) Ant.   Bee.   Cat.    Dog. Emu. Fox.

Find Food (on computer screen) Apple.    Banana   Carrot       Date. Eggplant. Fig

Can you sing for me?

Can you dance for me? 

Show me this emotion?

       Sad

       Angry

       Surprised

       Joyous

Can you write these letters?  A. B. C. D. E. F.

Can you write these numbers?  1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Can you write your name?

Can you draw a… Dot.  Line.    Triangle.   Square.   Pentegon.   Hexagon.

Can you make any words in sign language (ASL)?

1.   Red      Ant.   March.          Hello Teacher.          Hello Children.

2.   Yellow.    Bees.   Fly.   Goodbye Teacher.   Goodbye Children.

3.   Blue       Cats.   Claw.   I’m Sorry.   No Problem.

4.   Violet.   Dogs.   Sit.   Thank You.   You're Welcome.

5    Green.   Emus.   Run.   Excuse Me.   Please.

6.   Orange   Foxes.   Jump.   How Are You?    I Am Fine. 

Extra ASL Vocabulary

Sing. Dance. Act. Art. Paint. Friend. 

Learn. Play.      Exceptional. Brown. Gold. Silver. 

Pink. White. Grey. 

Can you speak any Mandarin?   Can you say...

Hello Teacher    Hello Children.   Goodbye Teacher.   Goodbye Children.   Thank You.   You're Welcome.   I'm Sorry.   No Problem.   Excuse Me.   Please.   How are you?    I am fine.

Can you speak any Spanish?  Can you say...

Hello Teacher    Hello Children.   Goodbye Teacher.   Goodbye Children.   Thank You.   You're Welcome.   I'm Sorry.   No Problem.   Excuse Me.   Please.   How are you?    I am fine.

Can you spell these animals? Ant.   Bee.    Cat.     Dog.    Emu.  Fox.

Can you spell these foods?    Apple.   Banana.   Carrot.   Date.   Eggplant.   Fig.

What can you tell me about...

AMPHIBIANS

A1. Are amphibians cold blooded or warm blooded? (Cold)

A2. Do amphibians breathe through their nose or breath through their skin? (Skin)

A3. Do amphibians lay eggs in the dirt or in the water? (Water)

A4. Do most amphibians have a dry skin or a slimy skin? (Slimy)

A5. Can you name some amphibians? (Frog, Toad, Newt)

A6. Can you name an animal that is NOT an amphibian? 

BIRDS

B1. Do all birds lay eggs? (Yes)

B2. Do all birds have feathers? (Yes)

B3. Do all birds have 2 legs? (yes)

B4. Can all birds fly? (No… penguins can't)

B5. Do all birds have beaks?  (Yes)

B6. Can some birds use tools? (yes)

INSECTS

C1. How many body parts do insects have? (3)

C2. Can you name them? (Head, Thorax, Abdomen)

C3. How many legs do insects have? (6)

C4. Can you name some insects? (Beetles, Ants, Bees, Butterflies, Moths, Cicadas, Grasshoppers)

C5. Are spiders nsects? (No)

C6. What are spiders if they are not insects? (Arachnids)

What can you tell me about…

MAMMALS

D1. What do little baby mammals drink? (Milk from their mamas)

D2. Are mammals cold blooded or warm blooded? (Warm)

D3. Do mammals have bones and a spine? (Yes)

D4. Do most mammals lay eggs? (No… but a platapus does!)

D5. What are most mammals covered with? (Fur/hair)

D6. Can you name a mammal?

REPTILES

E1. Are reptiles cold blooded or warm blooded? (Cold)

E2. Do reptiles breathe through their nose or breath through their skin? (Skin)

E3. Do reptiles lay eggs in the dirt or in the water? (Dirt/Sand)

E4. Do all reptiles have legs? (No.. Not snakes!)

E5. Can you name an animal that is a reptile? (Lizard, Snake, Crokodile, Turtle)

E6. Can you name an animal that is NOT a reptile? 

FISH

F1. Do fish live on land or in the water? (Water)

F2. Do fish have bones? (Yes)

F3. Do fish have fins and tails or arms and legs? (Fins and tails)

F4. Do most fish have skin or scales? (Scales)

F5. Are whales fish? (No, mammals)

F6. Are sharks fish? (Yes)

Find these piano keys?CGBDEFA

Can you play  a song on the piano?

Can you dance  some ballet dance moves?

arabesque      battlement      chassed      egage        eleve       fouette

Can you shake my hand firmly, look me in the eye with a big smile and introduction yourself with confidence?

High Time

Meet Pastor Erika, Cross+Gen Pioneer

CASE STUDY 3

MAKING CROSS+GEN BIG AND NEW IN THE LITTLE OLD CHURCH

The story of young and old evolving faith in an historic church

Rev. Erika Wesch
Little Zion Parish, Telford, PA
Members: 400
AWWA: 150

SYNOPSIS: While Little Zion’s history goes back to 1730, this old congregation is open to the new work of the Holy Spirit. When devoted, talented Sunday School teachers found themselves ready to be “done,” the time was right for Little Zion to begin a Cross+Gen learning hour. Instead of a handful of kids in a class, today dozens of people from all ages and stages are learning, creating, loving and practicing pastoral care together every Sunday morning. This IS Cross+Gen Life.

Find out more at www.crossgenconference.com

Quote of the Day

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You gotta open the kid before you open the book.
- dr rich

Coco, Honoring Your Ancestors and a Cross+Gen Immigration Discussion

After seeing Disney's Coco, I got to wondering how we might connect the church militant with the church triumphant. If we are indeed surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, how might we do the "Honor your father and mother" with the saints who have gone before us? Could we schedule some time for meaningful, mystical, beautiful connections that both honor our ancestors and teach our children/ourselves gratitude for the gifts they've given?

After seeing the immigration images and fights in the news every day this spring/summer, I got to wondering how we might connect the generations in an honest discussion about Christly values and welcoming the stranger.

Time passed and I hadn't put any more thought to it until yesterday when Billie Jo Wicks sent me a photo of her son doing FAITH5 and tracing a cross on his grandparents' grave. Then it came to me. An idea for a FAITH5 family reunion or a summer heritage "Honor your father and your mother" adventure trip:

1. Take out the family photo albums... as far back as it goes and find photos of your ancestors. Scan one or two of each of your parents/grandparents/great grandparents. (If you're planning this for summer 2018, get to all of your relatives and ask them for their photos, too.)
    
2. Create a photo book of them at Walgreens or CVS or Fedex or Walmart. (Look for coupons online and you can sometimes get 40-50% off). Place your child's photo on the last page.
    
3. Plan a trip to visit your oldest living relatives with a stop at the grave sites. Ask the elders what they remember about each of the ancestors in the book, the hardships they went through to give them a good life, what they valued most, etc. Have them write their memories by each photo in the book.
    
4. Go through the book and model FAITH5 inviting your child to lead the process with them. Ask the elders to:

SHARE a high and a low of memory about each of them, even if it's second-hand stories told about them. 

READ Psalm 145:4: "One generation shall laud your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts." Maybe highlight it in your Bibles together with the elders, then have your child write the scripture on the first and last page of the book.

TALK about the gifts you were given by each person. Try to find something nice to say about each person - even if they served as a good bad example. Discuss the physical, emotional and spiritual gifts they gave you. If some of them were immigrants, talk about how hard it is to come to a new place, and - - - if you dare have the discussion - - - use this as an opportunity to share your views on immigration and welcoming the stranger.

PRAY with thanksgiving for the gifts these people gave to you, with forgiveness for any hurts they caused you, and with joy and hope for the gifts your child will give to the world in passing on their heritage of life, hope, and faith. 

BLESS their memory, and trace the sign of the cross on each face, thanking God for them by name.

End this with a trip to one or more of the gravesite, where you'll share, read, talk, pray, and bless again, tracing the sign of the cross on each stone or marker. Maybe video the whole conversation and the graveside blessings as you go so their memories are not lost.

If it's too late to pull this together this summer/fall, plan ahead for next year and get the whole extended family together in the process.

You'll teach gratitude, honor, reflection and joy. You'll make Cross+Generational connections. And you may even gain insight into the current events on the border and how Christians are called to be "little Christs" to a hurting, broken, and often hopeless world.